I hate when someone ends a sentence in “so….” Girls trying to dodge responsibility are often the culprit.

“I didn’t vote for Obama, so….”

“It was just the tip, so….”

*Duck face!*

I also hate the phrase, “Everybody poops,” because I am then left with the nauseating image of my overweight, hairy, sweaty, Italian neighbor who insists on mowing his lawn shirtless struggling to pinch a loaf. Or Garry Busey. And all of his teeth. On the can.

But my brain recently one-upped itself. My alarm had just gone off, but I wasn’t quite ready to get out of bed. I didn’t want to fall back asleep either, so I got to thinking. Brain said, Hey. Let’s play a game.

No, Brain. Last time we played one of your games, I saw Gary Busey taking a dump.

Nah, it’s different this time. You’ll like this game, I promise.

Fine… fine. What’s it called?

The game’s called… Everybody Masturbates!